Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
