We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
operation harelip BJ is a go
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
