You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
