We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
