umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
