we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
