I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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