As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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