the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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