i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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