she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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