let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
