Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
