just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you would pick up someone in the library
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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