I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
