No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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