I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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