i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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