she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
