I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
bring money and cleavage
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
