I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
