I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize