Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
