I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
