Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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