Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
