sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
