Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
