I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
