After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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