She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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