The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
