Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
