he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
