maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
