Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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