fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
