Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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