Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
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