whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
