She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize