My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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