I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
