I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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