Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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