She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
