I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
