We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize