I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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