You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
