last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
