I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
