im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
