Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found puke in my bra..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
