plz talk dirty to me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
