Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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