He kissed a someone with a penis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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