Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
