meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
