Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
