i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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