Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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