There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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