I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize