I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
