Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I need help removing her.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize