My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
