This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
