then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
