New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They have beer where we have blood.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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