girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize