Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I FOUND THE LEGS
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
