we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
