checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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