Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
