i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
