my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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