Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
