He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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