Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize