She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
