Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
