Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
