I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
