Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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