im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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