sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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