Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
