Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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