She's JV to your varsity
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
