You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
