I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So apparently I’m into choking now
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