I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
