You can't motorboat a personality
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
