I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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