You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
