mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize