ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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