Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
