And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
