No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
