Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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